At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
