I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
