I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
