I should be sponsored by Trojan
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
