What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
