Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
