I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
