i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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