does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
