WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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