...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
