I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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