Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
