Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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