the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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