his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
