I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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