What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
