What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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