I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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