All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
