I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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