i think i scared a bird with my dick
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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