i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
