you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My ATM looks so different sober.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
