im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
