She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
