i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
