You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
