I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
