He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
