i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
