Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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