Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
