So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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