It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
