Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
