Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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