I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
