I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
