It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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