I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
