guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize