I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
