my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When are your genitals available?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
