you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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