K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
