When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I enjoy the company of your penis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
