you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
