It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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