I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
