I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
