Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
