The maid of honor just puked.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
