I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
