he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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