This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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