i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
