yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
