so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
