I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
