i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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