ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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