i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
