Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you had me at cake vodka
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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