he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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