Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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